Life Can Turn on a Dime – Pt. 7

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This is part of a series about experiences related to a life change at age 18 when I lost control of my car and became paralyzed from a spinal cord injury. See part 1 for more background.


A few weeks after my accident and shortly after surgery. The weather was nice enough for some relaxation on the porch in the late afternoons when mom stopped by after work.

So grateful I have learned how to take care of my skin without laying down every thirty minutes when the timer alerts! That was my first experience of ‘weight shifts’ for healthy skin!

New Appreciation and Caution
When I started sharing my story last year I had no personal experience with skin breakdown. Because of the intensive training I received during rehab, I was proud of the fact that I had good skin and avoided the commonly experienced complication of skin breakdown which can lead to surgery and many weeks of down time and further skin vulnerability. As I write this entry, I am healing from my first and only true pressure sore smack dab on my bottom!  Somehow I believed that my “perfect trouble-free skin” would never need such pampering.

This new-found caution concerns me, but more than that it gives me a chuckle as I look at these pictures and think, wow, a few months ago my outlook and appreciation for the ritual of regular weight shifts was entirely different.

A Class Disruption
A month after my discharge from rehab, the process of weight shifts in college calculus class was something that could have embarrassed me right out of the room. But somehow, by the grace of God, I was faithful to interrupt integrals and derivatives every thirty to forty-five minutes.

My big tan wheelchair sounded like a loud drill whirling into metal as a light touch of a button took me from an upright position to flat on my back…silenced for only a minute, the whirling sound brought me back up and erect. Classmates politely pretended like they didn’t notice.  I was a sight to see…half bald, in a big noisy wheelchair! I wore a metal brace to hold a felt tip pen that I used to scribble giant numbers in my notebook as I learned how to write without finger movement – pencils were out because they take too much pressure!

Grace Disguised
Yikes! Looking back, I’m amazed at God’s grace. I didn’t realize what a mess I was – a real disaster on the outside! But it was one day at a time then and it is one day at a time now just like everyone else.

One day at a time.  Yes each day of calculus class was precious and so is this very day.

Let’s use this day wisely no matter what circumstances we face.  This is our only today.

Love deeply.  Extend much grace to yourself and others.

Read on to part 8…

Madge

Finish Well…Start Well…Set Goals

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What happened to December?

Too much rich food, too much money spent, too little sleep or too much sleep, too much family tension or too little family…

Too little discipline.

The end-of-the-year can be a time when we lose focus on our goals and our routines are often turned upside down. It takes perseverance and discipline to finish the year well.

For me, the winter solstice’s promise of cold weather sends me toward a desire to hibernate and cuddle up in one more sweater.

Oh, but I want to finish well.

Maybe for you it is an ever looming few extra pounds or a few extra dollars that you didn’t mean to spend, or some snippy words toward a loved one that dimmed your focus. It’s all too easy to review our year and see our shortcomings. What a helpful exercise it is to review successes and regroup – and when its all said and done, finishing well may be a lot about starting well.

Before the bells ring and the fireworks burst brightly in the crisp midnight sky of 2013, let’s take time to contemplate our year gone by and reset ourselves for the blessed opportunity to grow and serve in the gift of another year.

Let’s be thankful and consider the Almighty’s accomplishments in our lives in 2012 – refreshing and renewing our commitment in whatever way we are called today and in our upcoming year.

2013goals

Practically, I’m reviewing my list to remind myself of my passions and goals for 2013 and my husband and I will join together in mutual documented goals. Some may not be much different than 2012, but nevertheless important. Here are a couple posts Brent and I put together last year around this time – A New Years Resolution that WILL Change Your Life and A New Year – Honing Some Habits.

What are you doing to prepare for 2013?

Let Peace Rule – Advent Devotional Week 4

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Let Peace Rule – Advent Devotional Week 4

It was September 1999 after Brent and I had dated for 2 1/2 years when, in typical female style, I wanted commitment. Although I was crazy about him, my peace with our relationship was waning. Brent was understandably cautious about taking the ‘marriage’ plunge with
anyone, much less a gal with my disability…yet I needed to get commitment or back off and regroup. That was when, after much prayer and agony, I talked to Brent about a ‘break’. It was a difficult but healthy time for both of us. When Brent called me a week after our ‘break’ started to ask me out it was almost impossible to say no, but God gave me the strength to do it. Test – passed!

Even though this ‘break’ was rife with sadness, I had peace. No matter what happened I knew we would both be fine – whether together or not.  My heart dealt with grieving the potential loss of Brent as well as the loss of my mom four months earlier.  It was my relationship with God and love for wisdom that gave me the strength to make a tough choice. I knew that peace within is not a mere absence of grief or difficulty, but an active experience of following God that promotes peace regardless of circumstances.

As we light the advent candles we remember that Christ’s birth set the stage to bring us life with hope, love, joy and peace. He is ever present in our times of grief and difficulty. I can’t help but pause to think of those who struggle to celebrate this season because they grieve.

The focus of peace reminds me to find gratitude and celebrate by making choices – wise choices – that may be tough but bear good fruit. Peace is present when we choose to thank, choose to let go of fear, and choose to trust the One and Only – especially in our grief and heartache – and even if it means a girl might never get married or never walk again!

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts…. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15

Obviously, the story of our relationship ended in marraige…we took our healthy ‘break’ and after a couple months began to see each other again. To my complete surprise within two months Brent proposed! I think I said something like ‘Huh? Are you sure you want to get married?’ Oh yeah, then I said ‘Yes!’.

As we approach Christmas  ‘may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.’ Romans 15:13 NIV

Would love to hear about your difficult, yet ‘peace-full’ circumstances…

The Gift of Transparency Opened Again

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Touching vignette by my talented cousin – thanks Buddy.

The Gift of Transparency Opened Again on December 19, 2012
By Buddy McElhannon (buddymac@bellsouth.net)

Going to work the week before or after Christmas is usually a lonely experience. So it has been no surprise that the commute this week has been easier and the lines in the Food Court nonexistent. I fully expected my short lunch today to be a solitary affair and it almost was.

Two thirds through my veggie taco I looked up and spotted a familiar face. A former colleague, now a vendor rep saw me and made a beeline for my table. No doubt I was the only one he recognized in the sparsely populated Food Court . Ken had retired a few years ago and moved into vendor sales. He had the personality of a salesman, always smiling, always talking, and always seemed like he was about to make a sales pitch. His manner occasionally bordered on the obnoxious but I only hesitated a moment when he asked if he could join me. Hoping he didn’t notice the cautionary tone, I welcomed him with a “Sure, have seat.”

Our conversation was light just catching up on who was still working, who had retired, and who had died. Unfortunately we knew more of the latter and less of the former. We briefly discussed retirement plans and then to the more immediate topic of what we were doing for Christmas. I could tell from the way he talked he was unaware that I had lost my wife 2 years previous. I decided not to mention it, as I just did not want to spend another 20 minutes talking about it. But something prompted me and when Ken took another bite of his sandwich I simply stated, “I don’t know if you heard but I lost my wife 2 years ago to cancer.”

Ken’s response was typical, a look of shock followed by a heartfelt, “No, I didn’t know, I am so sorry.” What followed next,however, humbled me yet again at how a loving God works in the hearts of men. Ken stared at me as if not knowing what to say next. His blank silent look only magnified the growing moisture in his eyes. He looked briefly away and then as if a decision had just been made he turned back to me and said. “Now I know why I met you today.”

He was no longer a salesman selling. He was a wounded heart thankful for an opportunity to talk with an understanding soul. He related how his wife Patty had just had her annual mammogram with the result being an order from the Doctor for a biopsy. Needless to say, they were stunned. They had yet to tell anyone, not even their daughter. This always confident salesman now possessed all the assurance of baseball batter in a slump. He had no idea what to do, what to say or how to help his wife. With a look that reflected both desperation and gratitude, he confessed, “I may need your help.”

I simply encouraged him and told him to take one step at a time, wait for the results and just be there for his spouse. I commented that as much as he wants to fix it (doesn’t every man), right now he needs stay close to his wife, be a good listener and a strong shoulder. And call me when they get the news and we will talk some more. He once again smiled at the providential meeting and asked for my prayers. I reached out, touched his arm and said “how about right now.” We bowed our heads and I prayed, “Lord, may Ken and Patty know your loving and healing presence. Be with them now and give them strength and faith to follow you through this storm.”

Shaking hands we then turned and walked in opposite directions. That lonely lunch had become a battleground of faith. I remembered my morning prayer. “Lord, help me to help others.”

The gift of transparency had been unwrapped again.