Friendship for Grown-ups Review

In her book, Friendship for Grownups, author Lisa Whelchel honestly shares about the facade she wore for decades in her girlfriend relationships. Oh, she had lots of ‘friends’ but no deep friendships she truly trusted. Ironically she starred in a hit sitcom about friendships when she was merely a teenager (The Facts of Life). Adapting herself to an independent life while juggling the busyness of motherhood and a writing career allowed her to become somewhat transparent with others but never vulnerable or willing to develop intimate relationships.

She unfolds her journey to deeper adult friendships as well as lessons she learned along the way through personal experiences illustrated in her writing and the book:

  • Addresses handling conflict and finding ‘safe’ friends
  • Includes great tips for developing safe friendships.
  • Provides insightful discussion questions for groups
  • Provides exercises to personally apply lessons and develop closer friendships
  • Is appropriate for individuals, group studies or one-on-one studies

Lisa also gives pages of insightful conversation prompts that can be used to cultivate closer friendships.

I’ve gone through this book with a group of women and am currently discussing it with a longtime acquaintance who has now become a trustworthy close friend due in part to this book. It is an easy read and it could be on your list for a light-hearted, yet risk-taking, approach to growing greater depth in your friendships.  I’m glad to be on a new journey in friendships even though it takes more courage than I’d imagined.

“Friendship is about risk. Love is about risk. If we can control it and manage it and manufacture it, then it’s something else. But if it’s really love, really friendship, it is a little scary around the edges”. – Lisa Whelchel, Friendship for Grown-Ups (p. 142)

 

Scripture Memory #10 – Why Worry?

I have a confession today…

I’ve been stressed and concerned about decisions concerning some work that is being done on our house.

Why?

Because…worry over silly things can be a struggle for me.

My mind says don’t worry, it’s just a paint color or window treatment or minor decision I’m struggling to confidently make. But my heart gets a bit tense and tight.

‘Really? How completely shallow can you be?’, my head asks.  My heart and my head are in conflict and my prayers seem to slam against the wet paint like a gnat caught in its drying grip.

Decide…
Maybe my one little word for the year, ‘decide‘,  is part of my therapy to relieve this unhealthy stress. Pray, make decisions, live with them, move on and move to help others. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

So easy to say, but sometimes so hard to do.

Effectively praying for ‘real‘ issues like those involving spiritual needs, physical health, grief, and relationships, gratefully are generally more productive for me because its easier to recognize my inability to deal with such matters.  I tend to have a secure confidence in His grace with such concerns and can access His peace.

Today, I need peace in some little things that won’t matter tomorrow…

An applicable memory verse today is Colossians 3:15:
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

Oh yes, wonderful gratitude.  A healing antidote and life-theme.

I need to accept grace and peace with confidence in times of tiny troubles…and generously  lift up prayers for others in need…

 

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16:

Taking a deep breath and giving thanks.  ~Madge

Life Can Turn on a Dime – Part 4

The Surgery
Surgery was next on the agenda. My fifth and sixth vertebrae were ‘wire-tied’ together and bone from my hip was packed in for stabilization. As I mentioned in part 1, my father had the same surgery a year earlier and I don’t recall any fear regarding this procedure. Unlike my first head-shaving experience during preparation for traction, I wasn’t worried about my hair as Nina, my nurse, ran the sharp razor across my scalp and neck from the top of my ears to below my tanned shoulders . “You are my very first surgery prep,”  Nina confided. No worries for me, I was no novice in head shaving!

I should have been worried..this WAS the haircut of my teenage life! From the back, my thin hair would be nearly invisible after my two head shavings. Unknowingly, I had laughed and visited with Nina while she over-zealously impressed the surgeons with a MORE than adequate sterile surgery site! Weeks after surgery my brace was permanently removed and revealed my scar and peach-fuzz..

Rehab Begins
With surgery completed I was on my way to a vigorous boot camp along with twenty-five other soldiers…I mean patients…who had spinal cord injuries. No longer a special case that required the TLC I received in the first hospital, daytime visitors were prohibited during the week and exercise was required no matter how we felt. The first day after surgery, almost two weeks after the accident, I was strapped down and lifted on a dark navy, vinyl-covered tilt table that slowly raised my body from a horizontal position higher and higher until my stomach was queasy and I was on the verge of fainting. I’m sure I would have vomited if my paralyzed abdominal muscles supported such a raging reaction. Any one would feel unsteady after a couple of weeks flatly reposed in fancy hospital beds!

This day I didn’t like ‘rehabilitation’…no…not one bit.

Workout times with physical therapists maintained my range of motion and strengthened the muscles I could still use. Gail, my occupational therapist,  patiently taught me how to eat, drink, write, hold objects and navigate many essential daily activities. She and others taught me and my family how to care for basic needs like dressing, transfers, showers and using the bathroom.

We learned the importance of weight shifts to relieve pressure points and to prevent pressure sores that could put the spinal cord injured out of commission for weeks.


Weight shifts were predominately focused on the pressure points on my bottom where I sat all day, but my feet and elbows were watched closely too. The cuffs on my ankles helped prevent blood clots and pressure sores when I was in bed.

Not to happy here? Exhausted physically and emotionally and ready to transfer to bed.

We used a Hoyer Lift for transfers. I felt like a car engine being cranked out of its body!

Now, since I’m such a light weight and know how to assist, even a small woman can lift me without the Hoyer using good technique.  We still have a Hoyer for lifting emergencies, but rarely use the awkward device!  It’s a fool proof back protector for helpers.

Day after day my paralyzed friends and I attended classes and group therapy sessions to help us learn about our new bodies and to adjust emotionally. We laughed at times while we watched somewhat juvenile, yet memorable cartoon characters on video like Nick the Nerve, Belinda Bladder, Mr. Bowel and the Kidney Brothers.  They taught us the basics!

Other group sessions revealed the hopelessness so many experienced as they openly contemplated suicide. I was shocked because in my wildest dreams I had not fathomed that my paralyzed friends had the physical ability to do such a thing – much less contemplated the helplessness and depression associated with feeling like it was a way to escape this life change. Thankfully, no one I knew chose that escape, although some turned to addictions to numb their pain.

Hearing others’ hearts made me even more thankful for my faith, family and friends as I took one day at a time.

There is Hope
When our life turns on a dime the foundation we’ve built upon inevitably reveals itself.  Life’s turns may require strengthening or rebuilding with a whole new slab of concrete. My foundation was sure, but boy did I have strengthening ahead…

I’m wondering how your life might be turning on a dime…even in small ways that cause anxiety and confusion…it is happening all around us. Sometimes it’s obviously packaged in a newly paralyzed body, but more often it’s hidden in a heart pricked or paralyzed by loss, uncertainty, fear, regret or grief.

My hope is that we will turn to the One ‘who comforts us in all our troubles, so we can comfort those in trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God‘ ~2 Cor. 1:4.

Here’s part 5…read on my friends…

~Madge

Scripture Memorization #9 – A Sacred Event

This week a dear family friend, a husband, dad, grandpa (Pop Pop) who was like a father to me left this land of the dying to be with Jesus in the land of the living.

It is a sacred and holy event.

He knew he probably only had four to six weeks to live when he found out about his disease so he visited with family and friends and asked them to take on a challenge.  To honor him and his family I’d like to extend his daily challenge to you as part of our scripture memory post.  He asked that all his loved ones and friends commit to read a chapter of the New Testament and to ask Christ to speak to them through the scriptures each day.  A simple request.  It’s a few minutes each day that changes lives.  Maybe you’ll consider the challenge because:

There’s nothing like the written Word of God for showing you the way to salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. Every part of Scripture is God-breathed and useful one way or another—showing us truth, exposing our rebellion, correcting our mistakes, training us to live God’s way. Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us. 2 Tim. 3:15-17 MSG

Although family and friends undoubtedly persevere in sorrow when a loved one goes on, my prayer is that grief and joy can beautifully dance together in mourning a loss and celebrating a life and legacy.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4 NIV

A couple of potential memory verses I’ve had on my heart to share:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles.  2 Cor.  1:3-4

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matt. 5:4

May our ears and eyes be open to the true riches of this life so often found in suffering…and if I may ask…what would your final request be if you thought you only had a few weeks to live?  I’m pondering and would love to hear from you.

-Madge